As young girls, we are raised (usually in a positive way) that we can do anything. That is a privilege of our time. But somewhere along the line, we are fed the idea that that means we should do everything. I learned first hand that it is simply not attainable.
I decided to study this because it is an issue that feels very personal and applicable to my life and the people closest to me. I have always been a very ambitious person and that certainly guided what I had planned for high school. I wanted to win state in all 4 of my sports, take every honors class, be in National Honor Society, do Student Council for all four years, and play tennis at a Division 1 school. Long story short, my expectations were greatly changed when I was diagnosed with a chronic illness that took me out of school and sports for a time and completely redirected my goals. This project was personal for me because I found myself frustrated and overwhelmed with the expectations I felt because of what I was once capable of. During the course of this project, I had three different doctors tell me that I had to stop pretending I was Wonder Woman because I’m not. This honestly caught me off guard. I realized that I had totally bought into the idea that you had to do everything you could to be worthy. If there was something more you could be doing, you aren’t being the fullest version of yourself, you aren’t being a strong woman, you aren’t putting yourself out there. It took the world shutting down for the past few weeks for me to help debunk some of those lies. I was trying to do everything. Because I could do them each individually.
One of the hardest parts of this issue is that society has made the standards for women so convincing. And we buy into it every day. I know I do. In my own quest to pursue and at times accomplish the standards I’ve discovered some pretty detrimental side effects. I accepted the standard of beauty and thinness and ended up with disordered eating. I accepted the standard for achievement and ran my body into the ground trying to do it. I accepted the standard for approval and ignored my emotional well-being to get it. I’m sure many of you can resonate with these. But my story doesn’t end there, and yours doesn’t either.
This inspired me to dig deeper into what ideas we have bought into and why. From my survey results, It seems that people really believe the current mission statement for becoming an empowered woman is to have a perfect balance of looks, talent, success, influence, edge, and if you aren’t doing it all at once, you aren’t doing enough. My ultimate goal with this project was to redefine the mission statement for women that I felt our culture today had gotten so wrong.
Circling back to the book “Reviving Ophelia” by Dr. Mary Pipher, she did a lot of reflecting on what the commonalities were among the countless girls that she had treated over the years. She shared a lot of case studies and looked at the societal pressures they felt and the struggles they faced as a result of that. It came down to the misunderstanding of who they were.
So when I say that true empowerment comes in the knowledge and application of who you are, Dr. Pipher reached this same conclusion. She felt that once the girls could answer core questions about who they were, they were much more empowered to approach their lives and pursue their interests and talents. She made a checklist of things to seek when answering the question of who you are.
This includes:
Finding the true core of self
acknowledging unique gifts
accepting all feelings
making deep and firm decisions about values and meaning
knowing the difference between thinking and feeling, between immediate gratification and long-term goals, and between her own voice and the voice of others
discovering the personal impact of our cultural rules for women
She listed qualities of "strong" girls:
Manage to hold on to some sense of themselves in the high winds
Have a strong sense of place that gives them roots
Know who they are and value themselves as multifaceted people
Generally manage to stay close to their families and maintain some family loyalty
Can articulate a sense that things are much tougher and not quite right in the outside world
Have beliefs in causes or interests in anything larger than their own lives
Dr. Pipher also made a list of what girls need to have these solid foundations:
Love from family and friends
Meaningful work
Respect
Challenges
Physical and psychological safety
Identities based on talents or interests rather than appearance, popularity or sexuality
Good habits for coping with stress
Self-nurturing skills
Sense of purpose and perspective
Quiet places and times.
To feel that they are part of something larger than their own lives and that they are emotionally connected to a whole.
Real power is not the ability to control your situation. Rather, real power is when your situation can't control you." -Nirup Alphonse
So we landed at empowerment comes in knowing who you are. But this leaves us at a crossroads. It’s the difference between the gospel of self and the gospel of Christ. Some might take the answer of figuring out who they are and decide to look inwards to find themselves. Focusing on the goal of life, finding the best version of themselves, finding self-attainment, abilities and achievements, looking at how we see ourselves. That side offers the idea that you provide all you need for you.
But I don’t think this is a solid answer, and i hope you don’t either. We are always changing and feeling different emotions. There also seems to be this innate sense of dissatisfaction and comparison within us.
So if you are the source of your own truth, what happens when one day you wake up and decide that your hair isn’t long enough or is not blonde enough? You are beautiful just the way they are. But that truth has to come from an external source.
“We must place our ultimate identity not in who we are, but in who we know God to be.” -Jackie Hill Perry
Affirmation Document
Recognizing and coming into who we are in Christ is a journey and something that takes time but I believe it is the only source of true empowerment. For this project, I created an affirmation document. It takes information directly gathered from the survey about what makes women feel insecure or empowered. There are encouraging quotes and bible verses about various topics, followed by a question or affirmation for the user to turn to in moments they find themselves in need of encouragement.
Relationships can be cause for either empowerment or insecurity. Friendships between women certainly have this power. Romantic relationships also have strong influence in this matter.
The reality is that we do not live in single gender societies and interactions make an impact. Relationships can really play a part in this issue of what it means to be empowered. When I started this project, we were finishing up a semester-long unit in world religions. I was so frustrated by how the Bible was interpreted by many to put women down. And I was frustrated by the fact that on the surface level, it almost looks that way. Let"s look at Ephesians 5:22. A couple weeks ago my church started a series on relationships and i found a lot of what they were saying to be applicable to this project. He started the series by saying that it would reveal the greatest relationship advice ever, found in Ephesians 5:21. It says to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” That seems like a pretty countercultural statement right? Especially in a project talking about empowerment. The pastor went on to say that the world hasn’t given us a good picture of it. It divided it into 5 myths of submission that I want to share with you.
Submission is a one way street. But it's not. It does look different depending on the role in a relationship.
Submission is about giving in. Biblically submission isn’t about giving in, it’s setting aside my agenda to pursue God’s purpose for the relationship.
I can’t submit to someone I don’t respect. We should submit out of reverence for Christ, not necessarily out of respect for them.
Submission means becoming a doormat. This may come out of a place of experience. This doesn’t mean lay down and take abuse.
Submission means losing power in our relationships. It doesn’t mean losing power in our relationships, it means gaining power for the relationship.
Submitting to one another invites God’s power into our relationships, think of our relationships as an act of worship. Submission of you is empowerment by the ultimate power in the world, that seems pretty empowering to me.
Auxiliary Questions:
My research was first guided by this list of auxiliary questions. They were designed to support the initial driving question. While these were important questions to seek as the baseline of my research, I did not end up pursuing them specifically. My research was based on interviews, reading books, and conducting a big survey for women of all ages.
Auxiliary Questions:
What is the stereotype of a “good Christian girl” in society?
What do most wives think makes them successful and what do they strive for in marriage?
What do most mothers think makes them successful and what do they want to accomplish as a mother?
How are girls told by society to act as daughter and respect her parents?
How are women encouraged to treat other women in friendships?
How are women encouraged to treat other women in society as a whole? (between celebrities, successful businesswomen, athletes)
What kind of famous women do “normal women” look up to?
What do businesswomen want to achieve and what is their experience in the business world?
What industry is most friendly to women?
What industry is most hostile to women?
What is the viewpoint of general society on abortion?
Why do many see prostitution as a form of empowering women?
How many women are actually aware of the prevalence of trafficking?
At what age do girls start to feel insecure about their bodies and performance?
What kind of beauty standards are set by the world?
What does the bible say about being a good wife?
What does the Bible say about being a good mother?
What does the Bible say about being a good friend/daughter?
How did God empower women in the Bible? (Esther, Ruth)
How do other religions and cultures treat women in respect to the U.S. and Christianity?
What is the history of feminism?
In what ways in today’s society are women and men given unequal rights?
What does a successful life look like from what the Bible says?
How can we teach young girls to have firm identities and body image?
How do most women in society view themselves vs. other women?
What is the main message/goal of feminism today?
In what ways can women encourage and empower each other?
What role do men play in empowering women both positively and negatively?
How can men best encourage their wives, sisters, relatives, and friends to live the way God has called them to?
What correlation is there between the way mothers view themselves and how their daughters view themselves?
How did Jesus treat and encourage women?
What do most feminists disagree with about Christianity?
Who are some women who we can look up to in being empowered Christian women?